Traumatic Brain Injury Centers

The days are getting shorter. School is starting. Homework is coming. Arguments about homework generate anger and frustration for parents and children. It’s easy to understand the child’s perspective. They’re in school all day and then they are free – BUT WAIT – there is homework to do. As parents we know that homework not only gives the kids an opportunity to practice what they have learned in school but also teaches skills like organization and setting priorities that are essential in the “real” world. Not to mention the scholastic consequences of incomplete assignments

So how can we make it a little easier this year?

How much homework is too much?

Your child, especially a young child, shouldn’t be spending his life on homework. There needs to be a balance. The experts agree that a kindergartener or second grader shouldn’t be spending more than about 20 minutes a day on homework, and even older elementary school kids benefit most from spending an hour at most. After 4th grade, it is important that your child practice math, because since math builds on itself, deficits here can mushroom. When your child is in middle school more homework is appropriate.

If your young child is routinely spending hours completing his work, something needs to be done.

Simple Steps can help

There are some very basic things that we can do to make homework easier. You have probably thought of them but may not have gotten to implement them. Some simple steps from pediatrics.about.com include:

• Provide your child with a quiet, well lit place to do homework with materials such as pens and a dictionary available.
• Establish a set time for doing homework, not right before bedtime. Think about using a weekday morning or afternoon for working on big projects, especially those that involve working with others.
• Help your child figure out what is easy homework and what is hard homework. Encourage your child to do the hard homework first when he is most alert.

How much should I help my child with homework?

We all know that it is your child’s homework not yours. You want to give your child as much independence as you possibly can but if the child is floundering, you don’t want him to sink.

Even if your child is doing ok, it’s good to acknowledge him when he is doing his work and to reward any accomplishments. “Johnny, I like the way that you’re concentrating on your math problems.” “Wow, Helen, you worked really hard on your science project. Let’s celebrate with a trip to the park.” As important as acknowledgment and rewards are when your child is doing well, they are ESSENTIAL when your child is struggling

When your child is struggling.

If you child is spending 3 hours on 6 math problems or can’t organize his thoughts to write and essay (see our blog on how to write an essay), then you know there is a problem, and you need to find ways to intervene without taking over.

For example, if difficulty paying attention is the problem with the math, you can cut a whole in a piece of paper so your child only sees one math problem at a time. This is a very low tech solution, but some of the new technology can also be helpful. For example, there is a program called Inspiration (which Dr Rohn used to help teachers teach science) which maps out your thoughts. Once your child’s thoughts are mapped out, it’s much easier for him to write that essay. If writing itself is a problem, your child may benefit from typing his assignments on the computer.

You want to be available for your child, especially when they are having a hard time, because you don’t want them to get so frustrated that they don’t do their homework and then they fall behind in school.

When is the help you do too much? Remember that interference is when you do what the child could do by himself. Additional suggestions can be found at about.com or here.

My child says he finished his homework

Some children who are frustrated with homework will just tell their parents “I already did my homework” or “I don’t have any homework tonight.” In the old days the main way a parent could verify this statement was to work with the teacher to create a homework pad where the teachers would write down the child’s assignments. You could also call a friend.

While there is nothing wrong with this approach, today many teachers will post homework on a web site or will email assignments to parents.

When you need a professional

If there is a problem the first person to go to is your child’s teacher. It is important that parents and teachers can work together on this. The teacher may be able to make accommodations for the child. For example, the teacher may allow you to cut assignments short when the child is having an especially difficult time. If the child does not complete assignments because he can’t write, the teacher may allow you to write down your child’s answers. That relationship with the teacher apprises you of what’s going on, so you don’t get a big surprise at report card time.

The teacher might recommend a tutor, and there are many good ones out there. Sometimes the difficulty doing homework may reflect a deeper problem. For example, if your child just cannot focus or pay attention that could be the issue. Please take the free 39 point learning assessment at our website (SparksofGenius.com) to see if an attention or focusing issue is the problem.

Make sure the homework is in the backpack

My friend would sit down with her son night after night and go over his homework. Then he would forget to put it in his backpack and get an incomplete. She finally helped him organize his backpack and checked to make sure the assignment was there. It must have worked, because now he is going off to college to major in computers. He is a smart kid, just disorganized.

I hope that this makes homework a little easier. If you are frustrated, remember that you are not alone. Another friend of mine thought that having a child was like having a very intense cat. Boy was she wrong. Every problem has a solution, but that doesn’t mean that finding the solution doesn’t require some work. Hang in there and have a great school year.

By Ninah Kessler, LCSW
Life Coach